…how to convince Natalie to voluntarily get into her carseat? So we don’t have to manhandle her in? We really don’t like doing that. It’s not like she doesn’t like her carseat; after a minute or so of crying that we put her in her seat, she is happily looking out the window pointing out the birds and the clouds and the schoolbuses and that the sun is shining.
It’s not like we don’t give her the chance to get in by herself. She is happy to climb into the car, and I know she’s capable of getting into the seat (she has done it once), but she just likes standing there, sometimes playing with the buckles, sometimes just standing fiddling with different things, pointing out things Hazel is doing in her seat. Avoiding getting in because she knows it’s what we want her to do? Because she doesn’t want to be controlled? Because she thinks it’s a baby thing since Hazel has to be strapped in? Because she wants to see what it would be like riding around unstrapped? Because she wants to sit up with us because we’re so cool? Because in the moment she doesn’t think to consider the future of what exciting things she will be doing at the end of the car ride, and that getting in the seat is a necessary precursor to the future excitement?
3 Responses
So, as one who has little real experience and a lot of formal education on the subject (meaning I know nothing about it), I think all you really can do is ask nicely, and make clear the consequences. What the consequences are are really up to you. Maybe it’s just that you forcibly put her in the chair. Either way she’ll eventually (you know, within 10-20 years) figure out that actions have consequences. That’s what life is for everyone, right? We can choose to do anything we want. So long as we’re willing to live with the consequences.
So this isn’t very helpful, but I think it’s a stage. Julia went through something similar. We gave her a chance to get in her seat, but if she didn’t, we calmly (yet forcibly since toddlers are stronger than they look) picked her up and put her in and tried not to draw too much attention to the whole ordeal (which is awfully hard). After a while I think she realized it was better to not fight us and just do it. But, she still daaaawwwwwdddllleeessss like craaaazzzzzyyyy getting to the car…she gets distracted by all the cool things there are to see on the way to the car, probably because we’re finally outside. It’s easier now though since she’s old enough to understand that we need to hurry and get in the car so we’re not late for preschool or whatever. Making it a race sometimes helps “I’m going to get Ryan strapped in before you get into your seat!” or even reverse psychology “I don’t think you can get in your seat all by yourself today.” Or using incentives like, “if you get in your seat fast enough, we will probably have time to go to the park after the library or look at the toys after we buy the food.” Good luck!
So many ideas, so unlikely any of them will work
1) I echo Jenny & Eric’s ideas.
2) time intensive strategy: Goals: 1) get better understanding of Natalie & her reasoning for not getting in the car seat; 2) present real consequences of not doing what parents ask.
Pick a day where you have some time to spare. Get Natalie excited about going somewhere in the car to do something. Can be anything. But be sure you don’t really have to go. Then, go through the process of loading everyone into the car. If Natalie balks, then talk with her and really listen to understand what she is thinking. At her young age, you might have to help her express her feelings by giving her suggestions about what she might be feeling. The goal here is to spend some time getting to know her better. And it is never too early for her to feel like her parents are interested in her feelings and thoughts. After the effort to understand, if she still doesn’t want to get in the car seat, then just unpack the car & stay home, expressing disappointment and sadness, but letting her know that there are consequences. The slightly tough part here is to ensure that both you and Natalie understand that the parents are in charge; the strategy can backfire is Natalie gets the idea that through tantrums she can control the flow of family activity. Try again later the same day, same strategy, although the empathy/listening part can be much shorter this time.
Tag-team variant: Instead of canceling the trip, have one parent stay home with her—and she has to sit in her bed. The other parent and Hazel then leave and when they come home, talk about how much fun it was.
3) “small strategies”: mostly variants on bribes/rewards. Give her stickers to put on her car seat if she gets in. Or favorite small candies. Have her help put Hazel in and ask her why it is important for Hazel to be in her car seat. Express appreciation that Natalie is so big that she can get in her car seat by herself. Be sure to compliment her when she is helpful and quick about getting in the car seat. Make a show about the importance of parents buckling up.
4) As long as she’s under three feet tall, just plugging her into the seat, screams and all, works too